Creating Boundaries in Divorce

Author, Jill Barnett Kaufman, MSW, LCSW, Licensed Therapist, Divorce Coach, Divorce Mediator, Author and Co-parenting Expert. https://www.divorcecoachjill.com/

If you and your ex argue almost every time you communicate, it may mean you haven't emotionally separated from each other.

The deep hurt and resentment from your marriage remain intact.

You know each other's hot buttons and continue to get pulled into reacting.

If you'd like to get to a point where you're not reacting to your ex, you can work toward acceptance. Acceptance takes time and allows you to live in a way where there's freedom from the past. In order to do the work that it takes to get to acceptance, you can start by creating boundaries with your ex.

Following are some examples of rules that set healthy boundaries and are helpful when you and your ex are in conflict:

1. Only communicate about what's necessary regarding the children or legal matters.

2. Communicate primarily via text or email.

3. All communication should be respectful. If your ex starts being disrespectful, stop the conversation and let your ex know that you can continue it when he or she is respectful.

4. Don't involve the children in any communication that should be between just the two of you.

5. Respect that each of you has separate lives. You don't need to know where he or she goes, what he or she is doing, or who they're spending their time with and your ex doesn't need to know that about you either.

6. Don't depend on each other for things that you did during the marriage. You are not the spouse anymore so you don't need to do what you did when you were married.

I hope that these techniques that you can use to improve your communication with your ex are helpful.